the last ann.

As it goes, this is the 4th day from you requested it, I know you were counting day by day, probably you will be reading this post too, once I thought of changing my bloglink as what you've done, but ended up I didn't... that was too selfish, trying to disappear in just a moment try to avoid the person once you were intimately close with, that is so cruel.

I do think of it for days, thinking of begging you for forgiveness, swearing to you I will be good as the way you want it but end up, I just got the gut to text you trying to ask you to come back but thing does not happen as I wish anymore. I know you were struggling too, if we do really get back together again, what then? Promises seem to become a toy for us to kick here and there... I feel painful whenever I recall those memories and even  heartsore thinking of the situation we are facing right now. It's been more than a year and right now I can barely feel you, the loneliness as before has come back again, feeling lost, insomnia and I got no mood at all to touch my final... It has been procrastinates for a week, when I face my drawings, I feel nothing but moody, I don't know what should I do next... I feel lost.

I'm really sorry I hurt your feeling, every time I feel like I have tons of word to be pour but when I talk to you, come out nothing and leave you frustrated. I'm so hopelessly and feeling lost right now by reading your message, every words from you are killing me inside out, I forced myself not to read your blog anymore but I did it and tear unconsciously, every hours try to refresh your wall to check out any news from you...

Your decision is the greatest punishment. Everything soon to be vanish. 

because of the absence of light.

I got a very weird dream yesterday, I dream about I've been to the country I wanted to go so much as a vocation with family and you were not here with me, I felt lost and dreamy when I'm travelling around, I had forgot to picture down in my mind every places I been to as I'll do it usually, I've forgot to enjoy the moments when I'm there, what I remember was I felt panic and lost wherever I been to, even though I'm with my family but yet I felt so far from them. Things continue to be blurish and until I realized I lost few of my precious belongings like my dslr camera, lomo camera and things you gave to me, and I've no idea what's happening and they just gone in a sudden.... by the moment I jump up from the dream what left for me was just panic still.

我把陽光忘了，忘了那給予我熱情與溫暖的力量。
我把歡樂忘了，忘了那給予我開心與喜歡的力量。
我把曾經忘了，忘了那給予我經歷與過程的旅程。

我心裡丟了一塊肉，那麼糾結那麼疼。
我想卸下面具然後緊緊地抱著一個人讓我狠狠地放聲嚎哭。